Stuff.

Downstairs. Table. Music. Usual junk. And I’m going to bust a cap if this fly doesn’t get the foorrrkkkk away from my face.

Hmm… I don’t know if today was better or worse than yesterday. I didn’t get to sleep till after Kali woke up at five, so I ended up going back to bed after homeroom and sleeping till like… one. And then I napped on the couch till three. Then I kinda bullshitted the rest of my history quiz, and then I did nothing till I went to McDonald’s with Dewey to get dinner for the kids. I got a Coke, and then we left for Baltimore after we dropped the food off and picked Mason up.

The ride there wass… meh. The usual car ride with Dewey, I guess, which isn’t always the best when I’m not in a good mood to begin with. He goes on and on about stuff I don’t feel like hearing about, most of which I’ve heard a million times already, and a lot of his music can get on my nerves. I let Mason play my iPod, and we stopped at Taco Bell on the way. When we got there, we had to walk like a mile because Dewey parked at the wrong end of the airport, and then we waited for liiiike a half an hour. Everything was good with Mom at first. I was happy to see her. But then there was drama on the way home… surprise. I don’t know why they have to be like that. It was more Dewey than Mom, but seriously, it was over pretty much nothing and it turned most of the ride home quiet and depressing. They seemed to have made up by the time we got home, but then they must have argued again in their room because Mom came out upset.

Nothing else really happened today that’s worth mentioning, besides that Dilan contacted me… yeah, Dilan, the kid I couldn’t pull myself away from until I got with Sabrina. I was sooo hung up on him… and I really think I’m always going to have feelings for him. I have to admit I’m pretty excited that we’re talking again, but of course I know not to turn it into a bigger thing than it is.

Aiiight, I think this is gonna be my last ‘blog post’. I might still look at the people I’m following’s posts, because a lot of them are pretty awesome, but the posting itself is getting boring. Besiiiides, we’re picking Mom up tomorrow and she said on Skype today that she got me some new notebooks down in Jamaica. Jamaican notebooks have got to be pretty cool, so maybe I’ll go back to writing by hand.

But anyway, today was, well… same shit, different day, pretty much. After homeroom I went back to sleep until almost three PM, and then I got *some* of the rest of my history work done. I still have the quiz to do, and I reaally don’t have much of a clue what any of it’s about. I really don’t think these tests are consistent with the reading… but whatever. After that, I went to the store with Dewey, and then I took a shower, and then we all had dinner, and then I screwed around on the internet and listened to music, and then we went to 7-11, and then everybody went to bed (except me), and then I got back on my computer, and then I took another shower, and then… well, here I am.

I had a couple interesting conversations with people today, but none that I really feel like mentioning or even going over again in my head.

Downstairs, alone, at my table, again, listening to music. I am just freaking depressed.

I just had a reeeeally long talk with Sabrina. Most of it was ME comforting HER because of HER stupid relationship problems with HER stupid, immature little bitch of a girlfriend. Apparently Summer is upset with Sabrina for not fighting with me anymore… I swear, every single time I try to make up with her, she gives me a reason to regret it. I don’t need this drama. I was having a really good day before all this. But I tried telling Sabrina that Summer doesn’t deserve her if she’s not going to do anything but make her sad all the time, and if she’s going to try to control who she’s friends with. She said she would ‘take care of it’ in the morning, and from experience I know that doesn’t mean anything with her anyway, but honestly, for having screwed with my head as many times as she did and being forgiven anyway, she really doesn’t act very grateful. Why do I want so badly for her to be sorry? I know she  doesn’t see anything wrong in what she did to me, because she hasn’t made any effort to change. I know she isn’t going to apologize, but every time we get on talking terms again I expect more heartfelt responses than she ever ends up giving. I want her to acknowledge that she was wrong, that she IS wrong, I want her to feel maybe a hundredth of what she made me feel. I want her to feel bad. But instead, I always end up turning into her support system, and I leave every conversation feeling worse than I did before.

Eh. I’m gonna start on my history work…

I’m hoooome now, down at my table, again. Everyone else has been sleeping for awhile. I would be listening to music, but Pandora froze up again. Oh well. It only happens like once or twice a week and lasts a few minutes and Pandora being just about my favorite thing in the world… I can deal with it. I finished my rough draft - yes, finished it, and that’s all I had to do for English this week. I woke up really late today and the essay has kind of been looming over my head like a dark cloud all weekend so I thought it would be best to get it done tonight since I’m up anyway.

Most of today was kind of depressing. I didn’t go downstairs till like five PM, and Rachael and Etoo were gone. I ended up eating a piece of cold leftover pizza for breakfast, and then snacking on Eli’s Cheerios. Dylan (yes, he’s the person I mentioned last night) is annoying the crap out of me. I’ve kind of avoided talking to him as much as possible today, but he’s not easy to get rid of, and all he seems to want to talk about is… well, it’s probably pretty easy to guess. He’s desperate and wants a good lay… that’s all this is. -_- And to be honest all I really want out of him is a more official ‘I’ve moved on’ badge to shove in Sabrina’s face, so it’s not like he’s completely using me… at least not more than I’m using him. Besides, even if I were genuinely interested, I wouldn’t let myself get attached like I did last time. I learned from that.

So, around seven, Rachael came home and we got ready to leave. We picked Etoo up from Grandma Bonnie’s and went to Luke’s (a new restaurant here in Gettysburg). I was feeling kind of sick (and fat) so I just got a soda. We went to Sachs Bridge after that, and they all ate their food there. I took some pictures and then sat with my dad… We actually had a pretty nice talk. I feel like we don’t have enough of those anymore… He always seems sad or annoyed or preoccupied.

When I got home, I said hi to everyone and went up to take another shower almost immediately. By the time I got out, Kali and Basil were in their rooms and Dewey and Mason were on their way up. I did a load of my laundry, because Dewey’s done absolutely none since Mom left, and then I started on my English work. Dylan texted me again some time after I had finished all that, and it put me in a kind of bad mood. I’m kind of tempted to ask HIM for a freaking picture. I know he wouldn’t do it (probably because he has a small dick) but it gets on my nerves that he expects me to do it for him. I ended up posting on Facebook that I’m pretty sure only douchey people and liars are attracted to me, and Tara and Logan did cheer me up a little bit. But just… ugh. I’m a person, and I can’t imagine treating people the way the majority of PEOPLE do. Am I that weird? Are people really just that fucked up?

I’m upstuurrss at my dad’s, doing exactly what I did last night. It kind of smells bad in here, and I can’t imagine why that would be. I’m the only one upstairs. o.o I did hear someone next door having sex a little while ago, though, in the room right next to this one. There’s a hole in the wall because of Etoo (only on this side, though, so at least the other room isn’t visible), so I could hear it pretty clearly, and I’m just hoping that doesn’t have something to do with what I’m smelling in some nasty way I don’t even wanna think about. .-.

Today was… meh. It’s a little bit better now that I got to come upstairs and shut myself off from the world again, but most of it was pretty sucky. I didn’t get up for breakfast with Rachael, or for the fair at Etoo’s school, and I didn’t get downstairs till two minutes before Liam’s birthday party was supposed to start… at two PM. Rachael had left with the boys on time and let my dad to get me out of bed. He was acting kind of… off. Like he was sad or something. He was fine by the time we got to Kids’ Kingdom though.

Caitlin was sitting on one of the picnic tables when we got there, playing her guitar - and showing off - as usual. There wasn’t a lot of food - just chips, and soda, and the birthday cake. I sat with Caitlin and Brooklyn and talked and played on my iPod for awhile, and then I saw my dad was eating chips so I went to go get some and sit with him and Jeff. We had to wait for everyone to get there before we ate cake, but it was freaking awesome. It was marble, with buttercream icing (which was BLUE). Then I got bored and started feeling kind of down, so I spread out on the grass and stayed there until Caitlin made me get up and do something with her. Soo we went over to the swings, she, Brooklyn, and I, and waited for two kids to go away and they kicked the last one off, since she was their cousin or something. We swung together for like ten minutes, ‘marrying’ each other when we could, because we’re cool like that. I threw my iPod and flip-flops into the mulch after like three seconds because it’s SO much easier to swing without them. All three of us got way more tired swinging than we should have, haha. Caitlin and I had sore arms and numb butts, and Brooklyn’s legs hurt.

Alright, I just got distracted for like an hour because a certain somebody talked to me and… yeah. I’m gonna end here.

I’m at my dad’s, upstairs, in the back bedroom, on the bottom bunk, listening to music… and kind of having the time of my life, haha. I’ve been in such a good mood all day today.

I woke up late for homeroom, but Dewey didn’t realize I’m supposed to call Mr. Winschel when that happens so I got away with just emailing him. *mischievous grin* Then I went back to sleep for like two hours, until Dewey woke me up with a big Mountain Dew and a meatball sub from Sheetz. I had finished all my work for the week yesterday, so I spent a few hours listening to music and messing around on the computer aimlessly. I got my stuff together for my dad’s early, and then I got back on the computer. Then a wild burning smell appeared… oh my God if one more Skillet song comes on I’m going to throw my iPod… anyway, we smelled burning, and Dewey made a big deal of it and insisted on turning off and unplugging everything in the house. So I ended up playing Life with Mason, but Basil and Kali came home about five minutes after we started so we set up a new game and let Basil play with us. I married a chick this time. (; And I swear, Mason makes himself a girl every time we play now, and marries a girl, too. Interesting. But anyway, we had to stop halfway through the game to leave for Hanover.

We stopped at like four different places on the way, which was pretty irritating. Basil, Mason and I waited in the car, and I tried to distract myself from the heat and the boys’ chaos by playing Sky Burger, but it didn’t work very well. Mason had brought his DS and insisted on playing every song he’d learned in Ocarina of Time over and over again just to irritate Basil, and getting the attention he’d wanted, it escalated to him humming over top of it all as loud as he could. Basil ended up actually leaving the car (after yelling at Mason every two seconds for about five minutes straight) and leaving the singing five-year-old to get on MY nerves. So those stops brought my mood down for awhile, but once Basil left Dewey gave me a Monster drink and I was good again.

The first little while here at my dad’s was kind of boring and depressing… Elijah was napping, so all the lights were off, Etoo was playing outside so it was too quiet, and my dad, as he has been most of the time for the last few weeks now, was in a kind of grumpy mood. But then I played Mario Party with Etoo when he came in, and we went and spent some time at Grandma Bonnie’s, and Etoo and I took a walk to the park, and I had some soda (which is always a huge bonus, of course). We also ate some pickled eggs. (: Then we went grocery shopping to get stuff for dinner. When we got home I took a long shower while Daddy and Rachael watched a show, and then Rachael went to bed and Daddy started on dinner. We had awesome steak with equally awesome asparagus… Even Etoo loved it. Then everything got boring again, so I came up here and said I was going to bed.

But I don’t know… I just have a really positive outlook on things right now. I kind of feel like I can take on the world. That I can handle anything that gets thrown my way… And that any suffering I go through every now and then is worth all the good things I get to experience. It’s worth the awesome times I have with my family and the people I love and even by myself, it’s worth the beautiful things I get to see and hear and feel, it’s worth love, and music, and life. Life is good - people are bad. People have taken away a lot of my faith in a lot of things, they’ve taken away my happiness, but I’m done letting them do that. I’m only listening to the positive now. If someone only has negative shit to offer to me, well then, fuck them. They can be gone from my life. I’m only living once, and I’m going to get as much as I can from it. A minute of sadness is a minute wasted. (:

I’m downstairs, at my table, alone, listening to music. I don’t really have a clue what I’m supposed to be doing with this Tumblr thing, and I probably don’t have what it takes to have a blog people actually care about anyway, so for now I’m winging it and just writing whatever the hell I want. Being a bit of a weirdo - because that’s news to everyone, right? - I’ve found that journaling and, like I said, writing whatever the hell I want, makes me happy and gives me something to look forward to. And I’ve been writing - like, actually writing, with a pen, on paper - in a normal diary for a few months now, but I’m getting tired of it. And besiiiiides, I’m loving Tumblr already. It’s like a constant stream of stupid, funny, inspiring or entertaining-in-some-other-way shit to give my lonerness something to look at when I have nothing better to do.

So, today’s been a pretty productive day. I got waaay more schoolwork done than I had felt like or planned on getting done - the rest of it for the week, as a matter of fact - I got my new prescription (Prozac 30 mg from 20), I shaved (ha), I don’t think I really got depressed or thought about how much I hate the world at all… in fact, I actually talked to like, at least five people… and I charged my phone for the first time in two or three weeks and texted three or four different people. I even flirted a little, lol. And I got a Tumblr, of course. And even better, a few days ago, I BLOCKED Sabrina. I’d say it’s been a good week.(:

I have poison ivy though, and it makes me want to punt something. I’ve taken two showers today, but I need another one, dammit. I’m gonna go do that.

tumblrbot asked: ROBOTS OR DINOSAURS?

Dinosaurs.